Sometimes dear friends I am not the usual up beat cynic that you all are know and love. A lot of times I am lonely beyound belief. Most times I am very very sad. It gets hard alot of times for me. I battle with mental issues almost daily. Its a struggle sometimes to get out of bed and go to work. I hear the quiet alot of times in my life and its driving me crazy. Once long ago I heard a wise man say that when you don't hear God say anything you are right were you need to be. Well I am getting towards the end of my rope as far as that goes.
I need God more than ever in my life. I need his voice, his presence, his love in and around me. The days tend to run together after awhile and my breathing becomes harder to do. I do not want to give up but its like it takes so much energy to just live. And I get angry about alot of things. As a youth I was taught that its ok to respectfully address your anger or issues to God. I get pissed that Im ot where I should be in life. Mostly I get pissed about my mothers health. Dear God if your listening please restore to be as I was. Or re build me to be stronger than I am now. Because your child is getting tire and a little weary.
Amen
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
HATERS AND DISSES
It seems that we have a problem today. Theres so so so many PEOPLE that claim to have haters,
So many people claim to have people that have nothing better to do than to hate on you. News flash you dicks...you dont have as many haters as you think. Matter of fact to qoute the famous comedianne Sommore: " Once you past a certain age you don't have haters...people just don't like you". Yes that means you are so offensive some people rather not be around you. And you know who you are because chances are you claim alot of haters. Now you work the midnight shift at the local Gino's Gas Station on Trade St. Exactly wat the flying pig fuck are people hating on? The way you check out customers? The way you stack those magazines every month? Like really people lets all take a moment and get our heads out of hip hop. You are not a rapper. Even if you are then please know unless you claim that on taxes stop saying it. Some how in this day and age we are so hyped up about invisable people being against us. Thats like black people blaming everything on "the man". Relax this is not a freestyle battle. Nobody is out to get you unless thats the energy you carry. What happens in your life is a result of what you are doing. Dont talk shit about cops if you just killed 3 people over drugs. What you think was gonna happen? Everyting is not hate...really its you
So many people claim to have people that have nothing better to do than to hate on you. News flash you dicks...you dont have as many haters as you think. Matter of fact to qoute the famous comedianne Sommore: " Once you past a certain age you don't have haters...people just don't like you". Yes that means you are so offensive some people rather not be around you. And you know who you are because chances are you claim alot of haters. Now you work the midnight shift at the local Gino's Gas Station on Trade St. Exactly wat the flying pig fuck are people hating on? The way you check out customers? The way you stack those magazines every month? Like really people lets all take a moment and get our heads out of hip hop. You are not a rapper. Even if you are then please know unless you claim that on taxes stop saying it. Some how in this day and age we are so hyped up about invisable people being against us. Thats like black people blaming everything on "the man". Relax this is not a freestyle battle. Nobody is out to get you unless thats the energy you carry. What happens in your life is a result of what you are doing. Dont talk shit about cops if you just killed 3 people over drugs. What you think was gonna happen? Everyting is not hate...really its you
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I wish
“no love from my daddy cuz the coward wasn’t there”
2Pac dear mama
That is my favorite line in the whole song. My father was not around and I had to kind of be my own dad in a sense. Not saying I raised myself like many kids have to nowadays. My mother did an incredible job with the limited resources available to her. However a woman cannot teach a man how to be a man. She can teach him what she thinks a man is but she can’t show him. So like most youth I had to gather lessons from elders, pop culture and literature. The down side is that I a have a lot of lessons I wished I learned in retrospect. So here is my list of what I wish I knew 10 years ago when I was 17. Young, not too dumb and full of…u know
1. GOD IS NOT A GENIE:
Faith w/o works is dead. Now even if you don’t believe in God you know that every action has a equal and opposite reaction. Don’t say you want a house all the time and never actually go and look at some. Don’t say you want to lose weight but are on the VIP list @ Reggie’s Fried chicken and pigs feet Shack. Anything you want in life you must work for.
2. DO YOU REALLY NEED THAT?
As with most of us I have a large collection of random things I bought that I have no idea why I bought them. I am a magazine collector and have issues of magazines dating back awhile. Now I tend to pay cash for my mags so if I calculate the cost of what I spent I’m looking at A LOT. Do yourself a favor and spend money on trivial things when you have that amount of extra cash. “We spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like” Will Smith. Younger self its ok..your world will not end if you wait for a sale or until your savings is larger than your checking to buy random item #13.
3. LOG OFF THE INTERNET:
Being a reserved(at times) shy(at times), introvert has a major drawback. You tend to not learn the finer parts of the social etiquette to quick. Like most young men you had to learn how to talk to women. That natural ebb and flow that Raheem the cool kid in your high school had with the ladies missed me. It took quite awhile to grasp. Spending many years as the big brother type or the “best friend” sucked majorly. However social networking sites made it easy to approach women. Taking the sting out of a non interested women verbally by not hearing it has a DOWN SIDE. You will quickly lose the skills you worked hard for to interact and vibe with others. Please note that more time spent online means the less time outside. 500 face book friends don’t count as a social calendar. Cyber and phone s-- do not count. Log off College Club, Blackplanet, Migente, MySpace, FaceBook, Craigslist, Twitter and get a life man.
4. NO 2ND CHANCES:
No joking with this one. This is the most serious one I could think of that I wish the young me knew. Life does not give a replay nor does it allow you to rewind and rewatch the footage. You must treat every day as a blessing because there’s a long list of people that did not breathe today’s air. Youth is wasted on the young. Right now you have chances and potential you sadly won’t recognize until your older. Go and do what your dreaming about. Do not wait for the perfect moment because there is none. Life becomes a memory and you have a choice in what you remember. The graveyard is filled with ideas, songs, and inventions that people were too afraid to pursue. Don’t end up with regrets because they can end your life quicker than a bullet. Appreciate people now because they can be on the list to not see tomorrow today. Give them their flowers while they are alive. Life can pass by so quick and then you wonder why didn’t you say I love you to your mother one last time. Life is not a game . Life is a gift that you most hold on to and treasure each moment.
5. _____________
No matter what could be told to our younger selves it does not matter. You only learn lessons when your able to absorb the information. I could talk or type until I’m blue in the face. But you must be receptive and willing to learn lessons the easy way. Sadly I know myself very well and I tend to learn in hindsight better than foresight. So when I’m 37 I’ll be able to know better than when I was 27.
Preach The Comedian
2Pac dear mama
That is my favorite line in the whole song. My father was not around and I had to kind of be my own dad in a sense. Not saying I raised myself like many kids have to nowadays. My mother did an incredible job with the limited resources available to her. However a woman cannot teach a man how to be a man. She can teach him what she thinks a man is but she can’t show him. So like most youth I had to gather lessons from elders, pop culture and literature. The down side is that I a have a lot of lessons I wished I learned in retrospect. So here is my list of what I wish I knew 10 years ago when I was 17. Young, not too dumb and full of…u know
1. GOD IS NOT A GENIE:
Faith w/o works is dead. Now even if you don’t believe in God you know that every action has a equal and opposite reaction. Don’t say you want a house all the time and never actually go and look at some. Don’t say you want to lose weight but are on the VIP list @ Reggie’s Fried chicken and pigs feet Shack. Anything you want in life you must work for.
2. DO YOU REALLY NEED THAT?
As with most of us I have a large collection of random things I bought that I have no idea why I bought them. I am a magazine collector and have issues of magazines dating back awhile. Now I tend to pay cash for my mags so if I calculate the cost of what I spent I’m looking at A LOT. Do yourself a favor and spend money on trivial things when you have that amount of extra cash. “We spend money we don’t have on things we don’t need to impress people we don’t like” Will Smith. Younger self its ok..your world will not end if you wait for a sale or until your savings is larger than your checking to buy random item #13.
3. LOG OFF THE INTERNET:
Being a reserved(at times) shy(at times), introvert has a major drawback. You tend to not learn the finer parts of the social etiquette to quick. Like most young men you had to learn how to talk to women. That natural ebb and flow that Raheem the cool kid in your high school had with the ladies missed me. It took quite awhile to grasp. Spending many years as the big brother type or the “best friend” sucked majorly. However social networking sites made it easy to approach women. Taking the sting out of a non interested women verbally by not hearing it has a DOWN SIDE. You will quickly lose the skills you worked hard for to interact and vibe with others. Please note that more time spent online means the less time outside. 500 face book friends don’t count as a social calendar. Cyber and phone s-- do not count. Log off College Club, Blackplanet, Migente, MySpace, FaceBook, Craigslist, Twitter and get a life man.
4. NO 2ND CHANCES:
No joking with this one. This is the most serious one I could think of that I wish the young me knew. Life does not give a replay nor does it allow you to rewind and rewatch the footage. You must treat every day as a blessing because there’s a long list of people that did not breathe today’s air. Youth is wasted on the young. Right now you have chances and potential you sadly won’t recognize until your older. Go and do what your dreaming about. Do not wait for the perfect moment because there is none. Life becomes a memory and you have a choice in what you remember. The graveyard is filled with ideas, songs, and inventions that people were too afraid to pursue. Don’t end up with regrets because they can end your life quicker than a bullet. Appreciate people now because they can be on the list to not see tomorrow today. Give them their flowers while they are alive. Life can pass by so quick and then you wonder why didn’t you say I love you to your mother one last time. Life is not a game . Life is a gift that you most hold on to and treasure each moment.
5. _____________
No matter what could be told to our younger selves it does not matter. You only learn lessons when your able to absorb the information. I could talk or type until I’m blue in the face. But you must be receptive and willing to learn lessons the easy way. Sadly I know myself very well and I tend to learn in hindsight better than foresight. So when I’m 37 I’ll be able to know better than when I was 27.
Preach The Comedian
Monday, November 22, 2010
Suicidal thoughts is not just the name of a great song by Biggie Smalls. Suicidal thoughts are a way of life. Since I was 15 my mind has wandered over into the death of myself territory. Sometimes life, school, family etc were too much to bear. See I have a theory that some of us are in tune to the spiritual world. Not sounding like a bunch of witches and shamans but some of us are not separated from the mental and spiritual. The damage done to a regular person over a trivial issue is far less than the attuned. It used to be known as being touch with your emotions. I take it a step further and call it being in touch with your soul. Whenever someone walks or tries to walk in the light the darkness is constantly surrounding them and chasing akin to rabid dogs. This darkness is a constant shadow threatening to overtake you.
It starts as being increasing sad. This sadness is different because it is soon joined by its cousin misery. Misery is very deceptive as it clouds your vision. Misery is as close to schizophrenia as the average person will ever know. You start to not trust what you see and hear. Things you know are true (your mother’s love, job security, partners fidelity) slowly but surely become hallucinations. Images that you’re not sure are there. It’s like a living horror movie where you can clearly see a monster nobody else can.
Sadness and misery soon have another visitor inside your mind/spirit his name is loneliness.
He is a visitor that never quite leaves. His presence starts the transmogrifying process where thought becomes action. Sadness and Misery separate you from the rest of the world. Loneliness he is there to make sure you don’t forget it. He peeks and prods around your mind making you remember all the times in your life where you felt like a square in a round hole. The times where nothing you did got you attention from anyone. He reminds you of 9th grade at the dance where no one even looked at you and you felt like biggest loser in the world. He reminds you of waiting for your father to call you your birthday. Those seconds becoming minutes which became hours which in some cases became never. But he is mostly there to make room for the worst of the bunch. This last one is horrible. So horrible that those who meet him will undoubtedly think suicide is the answer. I like to call this one DOUBT. See sadness, misery, loneliness are all the dragons of the big bad. They cause harm but they in reality work for one individual. Doubt is what makes people have the connection between thinking someone loves you and knowing that nobody cares.
Doubt is ultimate enemy not because it seeps out the immediate emotional response of the latter emotions. No doubt is far worse because doubt makes one have a thought that you should end your misery. Doubt makes you believe for awhile that not existing is better than the hell your in. See the annoying phrases of “it all gets better”, “this too shall pass” and (my favorite) “get past it” all have canyon size holes poked in their logic. Suicidal thoughts are not something that just passes and you can will yourself out of. When you get to the point of suicide it makes you blind. The future never occurs to you. But if it does its all within the scope of “if I’m in pain now I’ll be in pain forever”. This pain is indescribable to those who never have been at the lowest point. This pain is nothing that drugs, sex, alcohol can fix. But you try the former just to get away for awhile. You get high to cloud your mind and make those voices stop. The voices of death, despair and depravity. You drink and sleep around just to feel something other than the crushing weight on your soul that wants to kill you. And one day you come to a fork in the road. One side is the road to healing and recovery. The other is a road to ending your life. Depending on your mind state both seem like good choices. Both seem like a means to the end. Both seem like a way to have peace. Ultimately its up to every one of us to decide how we want to achieve out peace. The easy way or the hard way. So think about that next time your mind goes the dark place in us all.
It starts as being increasing sad. This sadness is different because it is soon joined by its cousin misery. Misery is very deceptive as it clouds your vision. Misery is as close to schizophrenia as the average person will ever know. You start to not trust what you see and hear. Things you know are true (your mother’s love, job security, partners fidelity) slowly but surely become hallucinations. Images that you’re not sure are there. It’s like a living horror movie where you can clearly see a monster nobody else can.
Sadness and misery soon have another visitor inside your mind/spirit his name is loneliness.
He is a visitor that never quite leaves. His presence starts the transmogrifying process where thought becomes action. Sadness and Misery separate you from the rest of the world. Loneliness he is there to make sure you don’t forget it. He peeks and prods around your mind making you remember all the times in your life where you felt like a square in a round hole. The times where nothing you did got you attention from anyone. He reminds you of 9th grade at the dance where no one even looked at you and you felt like biggest loser in the world. He reminds you of waiting for your father to call you your birthday. Those seconds becoming minutes which became hours which in some cases became never. But he is mostly there to make room for the worst of the bunch. This last one is horrible. So horrible that those who meet him will undoubtedly think suicide is the answer. I like to call this one DOUBT. See sadness, misery, loneliness are all the dragons of the big bad. They cause harm but they in reality work for one individual. Doubt is what makes people have the connection between thinking someone loves you and knowing that nobody cares.
Doubt is ultimate enemy not because it seeps out the immediate emotional response of the latter emotions. No doubt is far worse because doubt makes one have a thought that you should end your misery. Doubt makes you believe for awhile that not existing is better than the hell your in. See the annoying phrases of “it all gets better”, “this too shall pass” and (my favorite) “get past it” all have canyon size holes poked in their logic. Suicidal thoughts are not something that just passes and you can will yourself out of. When you get to the point of suicide it makes you blind. The future never occurs to you. But if it does its all within the scope of “if I’m in pain now I’ll be in pain forever”. This pain is indescribable to those who never have been at the lowest point. This pain is nothing that drugs, sex, alcohol can fix. But you try the former just to get away for awhile. You get high to cloud your mind and make those voices stop. The voices of death, despair and depravity. You drink and sleep around just to feel something other than the crushing weight on your soul that wants to kill you. And one day you come to a fork in the road. One side is the road to healing and recovery. The other is a road to ending your life. Depending on your mind state both seem like good choices. Both seem like a means to the end. Both seem like a way to have peace. Ultimately its up to every one of us to decide how we want to achieve out peace. The easy way or the hard way. So think about that next time your mind goes the dark place in us all.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Real vs Fake Who are you??
Alright its time to learn once and for all who is real and who is fake. This is coming from and observation from a peer about the sad status of manhood/womanhood in the world. To paraphrase Chris Rock
" There's a war going on Real and fake...and the fake has got to GO!!!
Now there may be a slight, slight chance that you don't know what side you fall on. No problem at all for you dear readers. I shall break down to the up most break downess what constitutes as real and fake.
Please read on ...
#1 IF YOU HAVE TO ASK THEN YOUR PROBABLY NOT: Seriously its not that hard to know if you count as being real or fake. In order to know you must first know yourself. Walking around without an identity or a smidgen of self knowledge is wasteful. Learn yourself, know yourself and most importantly BE yourself.
#2 BE YOURSELF: Once again stop faking and fronting..its pathetic. With the advent of social networking people have a chance now to craft a personality that is not real. Your on facebook and twitter acting like you are THAT dude or chick. You act like the world is your oyster and you are hungry. Baby no..stop..you lying sob STOP. Little lesson on realness: Life is not a competition with everybody else. The only comp is with yourself. This small planet has alot of people on it and very few of them know you. Further more the energy you spend faking the funk could be used to actually get funky.
#3 YOU DON"T HAVE HATERS: Ever since that word came about people SWEAR they have haters.
NEWSFLASH: Once you get a certain age you don't have haters. People just don't like you. The opposite of love is not hate its indifference. When people don't like you they pay you no mind. Now I'm sure you think those girls in the corner of the club are hating on you and your crew. Boo Boo even if they are so what? What are you 13? Grow the hell up... True haters tend to be people that can actually cause you damage. See the dudes with the mean mug are not the ones you need to worry about. Its your homeboy that's plotting on your girlfriend who poses a real threat. Its your home girl or cousin that is going to sleep with your man that you should pay attention. Worrying about haters is like worrying if you beat Halo on its hardest level. Even if you do who cares?
#4 SHUT THE HELL UP : Its simple really...shut up..who cares. Stop running around telling all your business or someone else's business. Stop running your mouth all the time. A great man said that the loudest person in the room is the weakest person in the room. You want to know how your associate ended up with your woman. All those man time gossip sessions where you ran your mouth about EVERYTHING your girl said to you. He was sitting there smoking the blunt and drinking the the drank with you. But he made sure to note everything you said. You literally gave him a handbook/ instruction manual on how to please your woman. Now he's in your bed you bought doing all the things you said to the fellas you wouldn't. Keep your business to yourself and those who honestly care. Just because someone asks how you doing doesn't mean they want to know. You got 1 mouth and 2 ears..listen twice as much as you talk. Just because you got twitter doesn't mean everybody need to know whats on your mind. SHUT UP
#5 HEART : This is the biggest factor honestly. Real and fake always divide when it comes down to your heart. Heart can best be described as standing firm in opposition of what your trying to accomplish. It means handling your responsibilities. Don't make a woman have to be mother AND father. It means chase your dream but work a damn job at the same time. Heart is showing that you have a sense of humanity about yourself. DO NOT laugh at those with less than you and DO NOT create bitterness to those with more. Show some heart ...show that if the chips are down you have something to under gird you. Albeit faith,logic,science family or whatever you must show you can stand tall. Men stop being followers in your relationships.Let her be the woman. Tell your friends that your house is not the kick it spot. Ladies start requiring (realistic) things from your man. If you want to be married be upfront. Show some backbone and let him know what you expect and what you do not tolerate.
There are many more factors to being Real but chances are you already know them. And if you don't please consult the real person to your right or left.
" There's a war going on Real and fake...and the fake has got to GO!!!
Now there may be a slight, slight chance that you don't know what side you fall on. No problem at all for you dear readers. I shall break down to the up most break downess what constitutes as real and fake.
Please read on ...
#1 IF YOU HAVE TO ASK THEN YOUR PROBABLY NOT: Seriously its not that hard to know if you count as being real or fake. In order to know you must first know yourself. Walking around without an identity or a smidgen of self knowledge is wasteful. Learn yourself, know yourself and most importantly BE yourself.
#2 BE YOURSELF: Once again stop faking and fronting..its pathetic. With the advent of social networking people have a chance now to craft a personality that is not real. Your on facebook and twitter acting like you are THAT dude or chick. You act like the world is your oyster and you are hungry. Baby no..stop..you lying sob STOP. Little lesson on realness: Life is not a competition with everybody else. The only comp is with yourself. This small planet has alot of people on it and very few of them know you. Further more the energy you spend faking the funk could be used to actually get funky.
#3 YOU DON"T HAVE HATERS: Ever since that word came about people SWEAR they have haters.
NEWSFLASH: Once you get a certain age you don't have haters. People just don't like you. The opposite of love is not hate its indifference. When people don't like you they pay you no mind. Now I'm sure you think those girls in the corner of the club are hating on you and your crew. Boo Boo even if they are so what? What are you 13? Grow the hell up... True haters tend to be people that can actually cause you damage. See the dudes with the mean mug are not the ones you need to worry about. Its your homeboy that's plotting on your girlfriend who poses a real threat. Its your home girl or cousin that is going to sleep with your man that you should pay attention. Worrying about haters is like worrying if you beat Halo on its hardest level. Even if you do who cares?
#4 SHUT THE HELL UP : Its simple really...shut up..who cares. Stop running around telling all your business or someone else's business. Stop running your mouth all the time. A great man said that the loudest person in the room is the weakest person in the room. You want to know how your associate ended up with your woman. All those man time gossip sessions where you ran your mouth about EVERYTHING your girl said to you. He was sitting there smoking the blunt and drinking the the drank with you. But he made sure to note everything you said. You literally gave him a handbook/ instruction manual on how to please your woman. Now he's in your bed you bought doing all the things you said to the fellas you wouldn't. Keep your business to yourself and those who honestly care. Just because someone asks how you doing doesn't mean they want to know. You got 1 mouth and 2 ears..listen twice as much as you talk. Just because you got twitter doesn't mean everybody need to know whats on your mind. SHUT UP
#5 HEART : This is the biggest factor honestly. Real and fake always divide when it comes down to your heart. Heart can best be described as standing firm in opposition of what your trying to accomplish. It means handling your responsibilities. Don't make a woman have to be mother AND father. It means chase your dream but work a damn job at the same time. Heart is showing that you have a sense of humanity about yourself. DO NOT laugh at those with less than you and DO NOT create bitterness to those with more. Show some heart ...show that if the chips are down you have something to under gird you. Albeit faith,logic,science family or whatever you must show you can stand tall. Men stop being followers in your relationships.Let her be the woman. Tell your friends that your house is not the kick it spot. Ladies start requiring (realistic) things from your man. If you want to be married be upfront. Show some backbone and let him know what you expect and what you do not tolerate.
There are many more factors to being Real but chances are you already know them. And if you don't please consult the real person to your right or left.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Friend Zone
Lets just be friends, I value our relationship too much, your like a BROTHER, etc…
These are the various excuses I have heard since I was ohhh 13 about why a woman did not want to date me. The excuses have take a toll over the years. It made me question was being the man I was raised to be worth it? Did women really want thugs or nice thugs? and why oh why can a woman have a guy who she knows will do for her and put him in the friendzone all to date a man who she constantly is frustrated by….
AND I HAVE FOUND THE ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you ready? like I am seriously excited about it..Whew..I’m sweatin like Eddie Long at a Boy Scout meeting.
The reason is this…I have no f’ing clue… In the process of writing this piece I learned that every woman has a different reason for why she puts men in the friend zone. The most recurrent reason I heard was that there was no attraction. Now as hard of a hit that it is to take to the ego..its real. Despite my massive ego on my manic days not every woman wants me. Those that don’t I tend to believe are lesbians but I digress. Attraction is something that can’t fully be explained like why do bbq cheetos taste so good. I’m not a tall dark and super handsome man. I’m not Idris, Boris, Will, or Denzel. Now im not bad looking but hey I’m not the dude that women look at and say “yes I will tear him UP!!!!” Im what you call cute but my talk game more than makes up for it.
Another reason I did find was that possibly they weren’t ready for what I had to give. Lets not kid ourselves sometimes we claim we want something but we are not ready for it. You claim u want a home but YOU NEVER get a relator. You claim you wanna be rich but you never save money. Sometimes God has to move stuff out of our line of sight to appreciate it. Fellas I know we get mad when a woman says lets be friends but you have to respect it. If they can’t appreciate you as a suitor then don’t worry about it. Be her friend and learn the REAL her. Not the fantasy you have about you and her’s future family. Some on my best female friends I had an interest at first but they didn’t. Then during the process of being friends I learned so much dirt about them thru their own mouths AINT NO WAY IN HELL I’d date. This is what we call a Chekov.
Chekov is a creative tool that has something mentioned really early in a story or film and then forgotten. During the climax the Chekov becomes extremely significant later on. This is why friendship is always the Chekov in relationships. You learn more about people as there friend then you will ever learn as their mate.
All in all I learned that life is too short to live in the past. Nothing is gained by living in a constant cycle of could’ve , should’ve,
would’ve. If a woman doesn’t want you don’t do like me and sweat it. Cry a river build a bridge and get over it. Lessons are all around us in life. The problem is that we rather not look and see the lesson. But that’s cool the lesson will creep on you and bite you. When that happens you’ll look for a friend to help take care of the wound. That’s when friend zones feel a little bit better.
These are the various excuses I have heard since I was ohhh 13 about why a woman did not want to date me. The excuses have take a toll over the years. It made me question was being the man I was raised to be worth it? Did women really want thugs or nice thugs? and why oh why can a woman have a guy who she knows will do for her and put him in the friendzone all to date a man who she constantly is frustrated by….
AND I HAVE FOUND THE ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you ready? like I am seriously excited about it..Whew..I’m sweatin like Eddie Long at a Boy Scout meeting.
The reason is this…I have no f’ing clue… In the process of writing this piece I learned that every woman has a different reason for why she puts men in the friend zone. The most recurrent reason I heard was that there was no attraction. Now as hard of a hit that it is to take to the ego..its real. Despite my massive ego on my manic days not every woman wants me. Those that don’t I tend to believe are lesbians but I digress. Attraction is something that can’t fully be explained like why do bbq cheetos taste so good. I’m not a tall dark and super handsome man. I’m not Idris, Boris, Will, or Denzel. Now im not bad looking but hey I’m not the dude that women look at and say “yes I will tear him UP!!!!” Im what you call cute but my talk game more than makes up for it.
Another reason I did find was that possibly they weren’t ready for what I had to give. Lets not kid ourselves sometimes we claim we want something but we are not ready for it. You claim u want a home but YOU NEVER get a relator. You claim you wanna be rich but you never save money. Sometimes God has to move stuff out of our line of sight to appreciate it. Fellas I know we get mad when a woman says lets be friends but you have to respect it. If they can’t appreciate you as a suitor then don’t worry about it. Be her friend and learn the REAL her. Not the fantasy you have about you and her’s future family. Some on my best female friends I had an interest at first but they didn’t. Then during the process of being friends I learned so much dirt about them thru their own mouths AINT NO WAY IN HELL I’d date. This is what we call a Chekov.
Chekov is a creative tool that has something mentioned really early in a story or film and then forgotten. During the climax the Chekov becomes extremely significant later on. This is why friendship is always the Chekov in relationships. You learn more about people as there friend then you will ever learn as their mate.
All in all I learned that life is too short to live in the past. Nothing is gained by living in a constant cycle of could’ve , should’ve,
would’ve. If a woman doesn’t want you don’t do like me and sweat it. Cry a river build a bridge and get over it. Lessons are all around us in life. The problem is that we rather not look and see the lesson. But that’s cool the lesson will creep on you and bite you. When that happens you’ll look for a friend to help take care of the wound. That’s when friend zones feel a little bit better.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Tyler Perry Epidemic
Madea, For Colored Girls, The family that Preys....all these are films of a man named Tyler Perry. Now I am all for a black man doing good and showing situations of under spoken segments of the world. But his works do seem to have one very irritating effect. They seem to make otherwise rational black women into raving anti male lunatics. What in the Tyler Perry is going on? Is this a disease being trasnmitted from woman to woman vicariously or is it something else? I believe I have found the root of the problem. Its not that woman are delusional or anything but sadly misguided. See in todays media there seems to be a lack of investigation of the inverse. The opposite side of the equation as far as relationships go. Case in point I know a woma who is 5'2 and 250pounds and says she can only date men 6'3 and with a 6-pack. Now lets be real if a man who works hard in the gym to get a 6 pack is into women I don't think hes going to want her exactly. See the new media is all about putting the blame on the MAN. Blame men for everything going wrong in the world. Its as if the media wants to pit black men and women against each other. The method that I see the most is making it seem as if black women can not get married. Yes sistahs can get married just as easy as any other race of women. The problem comes in when you see these public discussions on what men are doing wrong as opposed to what women are doing wrong. Lets state some basic facts here. NOBODY has ever sat in their car at a red light and had someone run up on them with a gun to relationship jack them."BREAK YO SELF...WE'S TOGETHER NOW!!" NO that doesn't happen. YOU choose to be with that person. YOU choose to stay in the relationship and go thru much much drama. Happiness comes from when you take the nessicary responsibility from your actions. You can not control your partner but you can control how much of their crap you'll take. Life is not a Tyler Perry movie where your 6'5 aunt is going to tell you what needs to change in your life. Life lessons are not usually followed by some song and dance routine. Your relationship is not a stage play. You have to take control and get out of life what you want. Lets stop making life a Tyler Perry production and make it your production ladies.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Gods 1%
The truth about God is that he is the truth. He is the lord and commander supreme over all living things in all the cosmos.
His presence is one of truth, judgment, peace , and finality. Over the past few weeks I have been examining my view on God and the world. I have come to realize that God our father does NOT need our help. See the problem with us as a people is that we tend to hold back 1% of our belief. We believe in things at 99%. Everyday we are alive it’s the world telling us in no uncertain terms that the world is not fair and just. That the world will screw you over and chew you up. That the world owes you nothing and you have to walk around what the world throws at you. That 1% is deadly to the human spirit. That 1% is the difference between Inmate Barack Obama and President Barack Obama. You have to give up the ghost freely and truly. You have to say to God that your will is greater than mine. Your way is the path I must go on because you have ordered my steps. Every day is a new reality to us. We are living in a period of time that is temporal and will never come around again. You can not jump to tomorrow or rewind to yesterday all you have is right now. This moment that you are living and breathing right now is what you have. Time does stop for pain nor happiness. The word states that this too shall pass. The good and the bad times are never permanent. To be in control of your life you have to realize that you honestly do not have any control over your life at all. What you control are your reactions to the input of the world. God is here to handle our issues no matter how enormous or trivial THEY ARE. Our job is to not fix the problem. No our job is to lean unto his understanding and deal with the issue. God does not need your help fixing a problem. When you don’t give him your problems and let go he can’t make a way for you. You want a new home but you refuse to seek a realtor. You want a new job but you NEVER have time to update your resume. When major moves happen in a business they do not happen overnight. They are systematic moves made akin to a chess player. God is the chess player and you are the king. Every day you are making moves that can set up future success or devastation. The world’s best chess players can see up to 20 moves in advance. God knows what to do for you. All you need to do is let go and TRULY let God work. Give him the 1% that you keep hidden and fully trust him. The faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain. Give God the respect of trust and have no fear. He will see you thru it no matter WHAT. Give God the 1% and allow him to work. That’s how you get the peace that passes all understanding.
His presence is one of truth, judgment, peace , and finality. Over the past few weeks I have been examining my view on God and the world. I have come to realize that God our father does NOT need our help. See the problem with us as a people is that we tend to hold back 1% of our belief. We believe in things at 99%. Everyday we are alive it’s the world telling us in no uncertain terms that the world is not fair and just. That the world will screw you over and chew you up. That the world owes you nothing and you have to walk around what the world throws at you. That 1% is deadly to the human spirit. That 1% is the difference between Inmate Barack Obama and President Barack Obama. You have to give up the ghost freely and truly. You have to say to God that your will is greater than mine. Your way is the path I must go on because you have ordered my steps. Every day is a new reality to us. We are living in a period of time that is temporal and will never come around again. You can not jump to tomorrow or rewind to yesterday all you have is right now. This moment that you are living and breathing right now is what you have. Time does stop for pain nor happiness. The word states that this too shall pass. The good and the bad times are never permanent. To be in control of your life you have to realize that you honestly do not have any control over your life at all. What you control are your reactions to the input of the world. God is here to handle our issues no matter how enormous or trivial THEY ARE. Our job is to not fix the problem. No our job is to lean unto his understanding and deal with the issue. God does not need your help fixing a problem. When you don’t give him your problems and let go he can’t make a way for you. You want a new home but you refuse to seek a realtor. You want a new job but you NEVER have time to update your resume. When major moves happen in a business they do not happen overnight. They are systematic moves made akin to a chess player. God is the chess player and you are the king. Every day you are making moves that can set up future success or devastation. The world’s best chess players can see up to 20 moves in advance. God knows what to do for you. All you need to do is let go and TRULY let God work. Give him the 1% that you keep hidden and fully trust him. The faith of a mustard seed can move a mountain. Give God the respect of trust and have no fear. He will see you thru it no matter WHAT. Give God the 1% and allow him to work. That’s how you get the peace that passes all understanding.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
No Patience
My sick and tired is sick and tired. My patience is DONE. With all te emotion I have in my body I can not hold it in any more. I've spent years holding my tongue and measuring my words because I did not want to offend anybody. But the funny thing is the more I tried to not offend the quicker my thoughts were. I can respond much quicker mentally than verbally. As im getting older I find pleasure now in being totally honest. I do not want to lie. If your an asshole your an asshole. A bitch is a bitch and dumb shit is dumb shit. Do NOT ask me questions where you want a lie of a half truth. You gets none from me. As i move forward in my life I recognize that 100% sanity is a fleeting concept. As a species we are all insane in some way. If you don't think so look at your homegirl whos with a man thats disrespected her in everyway possible. Look at the dope boy on the corner thnking he'll be the lucky one that never gets caught. Insanity is all around us. Keeping myself away from my thoughts and honest answers is insanity. Not being true to yourself on this short ride called life is crazy. Let your sick and tired become sick and tired. Thats when your freedom comes. When you embrace who and what you are you get a sense of freedom that is can not be explained.
No Patience is my path now indeed.
No Patience is my path now indeed.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
The reason(s) I'm single
My name is Preach and I am single. Having done alot of soul searching I can pin point why I am currently sans woman. I have literally spent most of my past 27 years trying NOT to be various people. They are
my father, the last man that hurt her and a simp. In trying to not be like these me I lost myself in the process. Bouncing from relationship to relationship , woman to woman never taking time to learn from my mistakes. Seeing that I'm in a "dry" season so to speak I've been afforded the chance to see what caused me to single currently.
MY FATHER
Not to put too much of my family business out there but he was not a good man or father to be honest. He was abusive , absent , and not a good influence. Seeing how he treated and damaged my mother before they divorced made me DETERMINED to never ever treat a woman bad. During this period of my life I was super nice to the point of being a doormat. I catered to every woman I was into like I was campaigning for office. I apologize for things I KNOW i didn't do wrong and was basically a overall pushover. Not wanting to ever be the brute or player my pops was I didn't embrace my full nature. Humans are dual natured creatures. To not embrace your whole self is a form of lying. Sometimes you get angry, sometimes your an ass, sometimes you just don't care. Its about controlling and tapering the darkness in yourself rather than flat out ignoring it.
THE LAST MAN (PREVIOUSCATS)
To paraphrase Musiq Soulchild I'm not Steven , Anthony even, Leroy or Ivan. This period was me trying dealing with alot of bitter and heartbroken women. Something in me felt the need to prove that I can the proverbial Good Black Man. I won't lie to you, steal from you, I'm in school, I have a career I'm much better than the last guy you were with etc... I was a walking r-n-b love song. Always playing the therapist to woman and listening intently to her fears and insecurities. 3 am phone calls about thug life Tyrell and cheating ass Keith were the norm. While I do recognize the importance of knowing past pain and hurt at some point cry a river and build a bridge to get over it. I was so determined to prove myself yet again I inadvertently forgot who I was. Unknowingly I pursued women that had been hurt because I thought heres my time to shine. To be a knight in armour and make this woman realize the all encompassing good man is here to the rescue. Theres no perfect man and if there was I'd be very far from it. I got bad habits and I can work a nerve VERY well. I can be jealous, moody, aloof and various other things that at this point are my personality. However I don't have to go around just showing my nice guy side to show a woman I can be the man for her. Its OK to embrace your inner asshole.
THE SIMP
Now because I spent so much time being nice a certain energy in me built up. Every action has a equal and opposite reaction or so I'm told. Every time I tried being overly nice I ended up becoming angry. This was a slow steaming pile of anger mix becoming far too hot on the stove. When it boiled over I basically did most of the things I tried so hard to avoid in my " Last man" days. Nothing too sleazy but enough to warrant thoughts if I was full of sh#t. Which during this period I pretty much was. I could find you the best lines to get what I want. Each woman was a lock and i was thrilled to find out the right combination to get "in" so to speak. Every moment of being a "player" it felt like I was taking back the power from the women. No more comparing myself to the last guy because I am the last guy. No more caring about how or what I said because if you did not like it you could kick rocks. It was cathartic to for once in life not care and enjoy not caring. Until I lost literally the best woman I have had or hope to have in life. All the game playing caught up to me and drove her away. Not wanting to be played to the left anymore caused me to ultimately play myself.
You see I forgot the most important lesson in all this. Do unto others as they would do unto you. Don't fake the funk with people. Don't spend your life being who you think people want you to be. If you do your gonna have a painful realization that you don't know who you are. Life becomes one big memory. Everything you did yesterday is connected to how you act today and may act tomorrow. Negativity eats up everything in its path. Its a ravenous creature that will consume you. Be yourself and free yourself that's ultimately all you can do in life. Knowing what I know now I am determined to work on myself and become a better man. Not for a woman or relationship but for me. Honesty is the best policy so stop lying to yourself.
my father, the last man that hurt her and a simp. In trying to not be like these me I lost myself in the process. Bouncing from relationship to relationship , woman to woman never taking time to learn from my mistakes. Seeing that I'm in a "dry" season so to speak I've been afforded the chance to see what caused me to single currently.
MY FATHER
Not to put too much of my family business out there but he was not a good man or father to be honest. He was abusive , absent , and not a good influence. Seeing how he treated and damaged my mother before they divorced made me DETERMINED to never ever treat a woman bad. During this period of my life I was super nice to the point of being a doormat. I catered to every woman I was into like I was campaigning for office. I apologize for things I KNOW i didn't do wrong and was basically a overall pushover. Not wanting to ever be the brute or player my pops was I didn't embrace my full nature. Humans are dual natured creatures. To not embrace your whole self is a form of lying. Sometimes you get angry, sometimes your an ass, sometimes you just don't care. Its about controlling and tapering the darkness in yourself rather than flat out ignoring it.
THE LAST MAN (PREVIOUSCATS)
To paraphrase Musiq Soulchild I'm not Steven , Anthony even, Leroy or Ivan. This period was me trying dealing with alot of bitter and heartbroken women. Something in me felt the need to prove that I can the proverbial Good Black Man. I won't lie to you, steal from you, I'm in school, I have a career I'm much better than the last guy you were with etc... I was a walking r-n-b love song. Always playing the therapist to woman and listening intently to her fears and insecurities. 3 am phone calls about thug life Tyrell and cheating ass Keith were the norm. While I do recognize the importance of knowing past pain and hurt at some point cry a river and build a bridge to get over it. I was so determined to prove myself yet again I inadvertently forgot who I was. Unknowingly I pursued women that had been hurt because I thought heres my time to shine. To be a knight in armour and make this woman realize the all encompassing good man is here to the rescue. Theres no perfect man and if there was I'd be very far from it. I got bad habits and I can work a nerve VERY well. I can be jealous, moody, aloof and various other things that at this point are my personality. However I don't have to go around just showing my nice guy side to show a woman I can be the man for her. Its OK to embrace your inner asshole.
THE SIMP
Now because I spent so much time being nice a certain energy in me built up. Every action has a equal and opposite reaction or so I'm told. Every time I tried being overly nice I ended up becoming angry. This was a slow steaming pile of anger mix becoming far too hot on the stove. When it boiled over I basically did most of the things I tried so hard to avoid in my " Last man" days. Nothing too sleazy but enough to warrant thoughts if I was full of sh#t. Which during this period I pretty much was. I could find you the best lines to get what I want. Each woman was a lock and i was thrilled to find out the right combination to get "in" so to speak. Every moment of being a "player" it felt like I was taking back the power from the women. No more comparing myself to the last guy because I am the last guy. No more caring about how or what I said because if you did not like it you could kick rocks. It was cathartic to for once in life not care and enjoy not caring. Until I lost literally the best woman I have had or hope to have in life. All the game playing caught up to me and drove her away. Not wanting to be played to the left anymore caused me to ultimately play myself.
You see I forgot the most important lesson in all this. Do unto others as they would do unto you. Don't fake the funk with people. Don't spend your life being who you think people want you to be. If you do your gonna have a painful realization that you don't know who you are. Life becomes one big memory. Everything you did yesterday is connected to how you act today and may act tomorrow. Negativity eats up everything in its path. Its a ravenous creature that will consume you. Be yourself and free yourself that's ultimately all you can do in life. Knowing what I know now I am determined to work on myself and become a better man. Not for a woman or relationship but for me. Honesty is the best policy so stop lying to yourself.
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