Not too long ago I was diagnosed with being bi-polar. The old school called it being manic depressive. In lay mans terms my up and down mood swings occur more than normal. In my case ALL the DAMN time.My family has long since suspected that may be something I am dealing with. After about 3 years of goading,prodding and quite honestly nagging from my mother I saw a counselor. She said it was b-polar after about 12 mins of talking so i went to a psychiatrist and he accessed the same thing after 9 mins. So either I'm quite bipolarish or they were that damn good. Now the $64,000 question is..what exactly qualifies me of all people as bi-polar. Well it starts many years ago as i noticed i was overly sensitive as a child. It felt like I was more attuned to my emotions than the other boys my age. I cried in class, cried over homework, over a hard test, over the teacher. I just did not have a good handle on my emotions. I got older and I did not cry as much but I
mastered the art of being seen without being seen. I'd appear like a ghost and disappear just as fast. I wanted to be liked but feared rejection so much i ultimately became my own best friend for awhile. High school i fared OK..loosened up some and made friends. Even asked a couple girls to go with me...whatever that means. But bubbling under the surface was this anger and sadness I didn't know what to do with it. I really wanted to kill myself my 12th grade year. My sadness as i now know was depression. Not the sweet to look at movie kind but the kind that makes everyday horrible to deal with. Makes you wale up and ask God why am i still alive? To question your existence and why your here is something we all do. Just some of us take it further than necessary. I continued to have the same feelings thru out college and my 20's. It was like i existed as 2 or 3 different people. The jester, the angry man and the sad man. Each part of me was needed to exist but it was alot of overwhelming feelings involved. I turned to what i could to handle it. I drank, sexed, took vicodin...all to numb the pain and the voices. The voices of those who teased me mercilessly as a youth, the voices of a certain relative who cut me down at any chance possible, the voice that says you don't deserve anything out of this live and you'll never get it NO matter how hard you tried. This is a feeling I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. To question your core fiber of your being and your self worth is not fun. Nor is it something that resolves itself quickly from your system.Everyday I am dealing with new discoveries about myself. Everyday I am learning who I am and how to deal with myself. I was once told that people are works of art. Everyone they come in contact with leaves a stroke on the painting that is themselves. So sometimes you need to step back and look at what strokes make up who you are.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Why Cheaters tend to fail
Ok its 3am in the morning , you look over and what do you see? A body that does not belong to your significant other.
While you enjoyed the physical release its time for them to go. But unfortunately the door to your bedroom opens and your significant other ,man/woman/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband walks in. Say goodbye to your happy home and say hello to being single again. Dark bars and liquor breath awaits you.
Here’s a guide to help those that are inept on the art of stepping out. *note*{ I do not endorse or support cheating but I really hate to see people make amateur mistakes. If your going to mess up a happy home and cause grief and pain at least have a clue about what you’re doing}
#1 GAME RECOGNIZE GAME: You are cheating, your backstabbing, betraying, disrespecting someone. Do not make it more than what it is. Do not give yourself the excuse of you needed something else. You did what you did because you WANTED to. Your spouse can no more make you cheat than Superman can make you fly.
#2 CHEAT UP NOT DOWN: While cheating hurts its more of an insult when the person your with cheats with someone worse off than you. This is more for the men. Women tend to cheat UP while men cheat DOWN. Men cheat with anyone down for it in a 2 mile radius. They could have 12 kids, 13 baby daddies, and claim to fame was their left breast behind young jezzy’s head in a rap video and men will still sleep with her. Women tend to replace and cheat with men they actually like. If their current man is broke the next can buy his own island. If the current man is short stroking the next man got to carry his in a wheelbarrow. If your gonna break your vows at least let me catch you with Will Smith..I’ll be mad but kind of proud in a twisted sense.
#3 COMMUNICATION KILLS : Uhhh if you are going thru the methods of cheating and hiding what your really doing then why on EARTH do you give out real info? She has your real #, real email address, knows where you work and what shift, knows your real address, and what care you drive…and you wonder why you got caught… If you have a lot to lose then act likt it!. Tracphone, fake email address, MEET somewhere nowhere near where you live or work. This is a reason why cheating isn’t worth it because you have to put a lot of time in to not get caught. Act like a drug dealer. code words, code names. REMEMBER: Your just one mistake away from being caught..ONE..ONE ONE
#4 RESPECT THE GAME: The short and sweet ..don’t do more for the extra person than you do for the main. You have a responsibility to make your main person not feel like they are being lied to. Come home at a decent hour. Don’t feed the #2 steak and get the #1 Chicken nuggets. Don’t bring the #2 into the home you SHARE with the your main. Possibly if you spent more time with your main you may not want to cheat.Look at this way..the reason a lot of big time dope dealers got locked up is believing they could turn something negative and dark into something light and moral. You are doing dirt..Your doing dirt..say it with me..You are doing dirt. GROW UP
#5 DON’T CHEAT: Seriously self explanatory… its never worth it and honestly more fun as a thought than reality. don’t end up a character from Boyz to Men video.. butt naked on a couch crying to sleep listening to Sade’ . hindsight is 20/20. You are playing with fire and god help you if pass a STD on or suddenly are expecting a child… Its not that serious.
A few REAL reasons your single
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let’s put it all out there. If you’re single, it’s likely for reasons and situations that are a byproduct of your environment and experiences. I, for instance, am a part-time chauvinist. I mean, I love and respect women but I’ll be damned if I’ma have to explain my maleness in every situation to some knock-off feminist.
Chances are I really do not care what you’re thinking. Not because I don’t care about you per say, but because I have a certain amount of space in my head for BS conversations. And every BS conversation we have eats away at it. So when I ignore you I’m honestly de-fragmenting my mind from your tales of coffee shop lattes and shoe shopping with your homegirls. But I digress…
Now, back to the lecture at hand. You’re single because of you. Yes, I know you were cheated on, she played you for a fool, he lied all the time… blah, blah, freakin’ blah. Let’s not act like we’re 5-years-old again. Chances are in you’re [___] years of dating, you’ve acquired some bad habits that causes the opposite sex to just say F it and roll. For your benefit I’ll list some of the more common bad habits I’ve witnessed in an effort to help you rectify the problem(s).
You can thank me later.
1) YOU’RE TOO DAMN SENSITIVE:
Fellas, I’m talking to you first on this one. Especially you puka shell-wearing, sandals and toe ring having, fake Eric Benet wanna be brothers. MAN UP. Women were made to be emotional for a reason, so stop crying. Do us and them a favor and find your balls.
Now, ladies, you have some work to do here, too. As a man I expect you to cry; what I don’t expect is a woman who pouts like a toddler. Really, you’re not going to talk to me because I don’t agree with what you’re saying? Really, like really? If you think I’m supposed to agree with you all the time then you’re a damn fool. A damn sensitive fool.
2) YOU’ DON’T KNOW YOUR ROLE & DON’T SHUT YOUR MOUTH:
A relationship is never 50/50 all the time. Sometimes it’s 60/40, and every once in a while it may be 70/30. Sometimes the odds are in your favor, most times they’re not.
Two dominant forces just do not mix well together. There’s a time to be submissive. I’m not saying you have to be a slave but shut up and go with the program every once in a while. The more you open your mouth the more likely you’re not listening to what the other person is saying.
Men, being right and arguing ’til you’re blue in the face is not gonna gain you any points. A disagreement in a relationship is not a battle royale or a king of the mountain match. The last man standing doesn’t always win.
Ladies, the flip side of this point is using anti-logic against logic. Women are naturally better at remembering past indiscretions than men are, but relating something from June 17, 2009 and something from yesterday is not fair. The past is the past and sometimes you just have to move on. Just play your role and shut up.
3) YOU’RE PLAYING TOO MANY GAMES:
You’re not as slick as you think. What’s done in the dark comes to the light. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Pick your famous saying, but basically the more game you run in a relationship the more it shows the weakness in your character.
If you truly want to be single then don’t be in a relationship. Don’t waste someone’s time because you don’t want anybody to play with your toys while you’re gone. That person’s true love of their life could be out there and they might not meet them because you want to occupy their time when you know they’re not the one for you. For what; to stroke your precious ego? STOP IT. You’re grown; act like it.
4) YOU’RE A CHEATER & CHEATERS NEVER WIN:
Look, cheating happens and while it’s a selfish act to put someone through, there are rules to the game. Mainly you don’t give the No. 2 person in your life No. 1 privileges. Do your dirt and GO HOME. Don’t spend all night over there. Like, for real, what are you doing? Having a conversation? Getting to know the person you’re cheating with? Watching TV? Don’t play in the grown folks arena if you’re gonna act like a child.
It already shows you’re untrustworthy when you cheat so why add on to your list of bad qualities? It’s not cute and nobody respects a cheater in the long run. If you’re gonna do something dumb then don’t do nothing STUPID. Be real, you’re 35-years-old and have been in 12 failed relationships. Like, I said in the beginning, the problem is with you
Chances are I really do not care what you’re thinking. Not because I don’t care about you per say, but because I have a certain amount of space in my head for BS conversations. And every BS conversation we have eats away at it. So when I ignore you I’m honestly de-fragmenting my mind from your tales of coffee shop lattes and shoe shopping with your homegirls. But I digress…
Now, back to the lecture at hand. You’re single because of you. Yes, I know you were cheated on, she played you for a fool, he lied all the time… blah, blah, freakin’ blah. Let’s not act like we’re 5-years-old again. Chances are in you’re [___] years of dating, you’ve acquired some bad habits that causes the opposite sex to just say F it and roll. For your benefit I’ll list some of the more common bad habits I’ve witnessed in an effort to help you rectify the problem(s).
You can thank me later.
1) YOU’RE TOO DAMN SENSITIVE:
Fellas, I’m talking to you first on this one. Especially you puka shell-wearing, sandals and toe ring having, fake Eric Benet wanna be brothers. MAN UP. Women were made to be emotional for a reason, so stop crying. Do us and them a favor and find your balls.
Now, ladies, you have some work to do here, too. As a man I expect you to cry; what I don’t expect is a woman who pouts like a toddler. Really, you’re not going to talk to me because I don’t agree with what you’re saying? Really, like really? If you think I’m supposed to agree with you all the time then you’re a damn fool. A damn sensitive fool.
2) YOU’ DON’T KNOW YOUR ROLE & DON’T SHUT YOUR MOUTH:
A relationship is never 50/50 all the time. Sometimes it’s 60/40, and every once in a while it may be 70/30. Sometimes the odds are in your favor, most times they’re not.
Two dominant forces just do not mix well together. There’s a time to be submissive. I’m not saying you have to be a slave but shut up and go with the program every once in a while. The more you open your mouth the more likely you’re not listening to what the other person is saying.
Men, being right and arguing ’til you’re blue in the face is not gonna gain you any points. A disagreement in a relationship is not a battle royale or a king of the mountain match. The last man standing doesn’t always win.
Ladies, the flip side of this point is using anti-logic against logic. Women are naturally better at remembering past indiscretions than men are, but relating something from June 17, 2009 and something from yesterday is not fair. The past is the past and sometimes you just have to move on. Just play your role and shut up.
3) YOU’RE PLAYING TOO MANY GAMES:
You’re not as slick as you think. What’s done in the dark comes to the light. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Pick your famous saying, but basically the more game you run in a relationship the more it shows the weakness in your character.
If you truly want to be single then don’t be in a relationship. Don’t waste someone’s time because you don’t want anybody to play with your toys while you’re gone. That person’s true love of their life could be out there and they might not meet them because you want to occupy their time when you know they’re not the one for you. For what; to stroke your precious ego? STOP IT. You’re grown; act like it.
4) YOU’RE A CHEATER & CHEATERS NEVER WIN:
Look, cheating happens and while it’s a selfish act to put someone through, there are rules to the game. Mainly you don’t give the No. 2 person in your life No. 1 privileges. Do your dirt and GO HOME. Don’t spend all night over there. Like, for real, what are you doing? Having a conversation? Getting to know the person you’re cheating with? Watching TV? Don’t play in the grown folks arena if you’re gonna act like a child.
It already shows you’re untrustworthy when you cheat so why add on to your list of bad qualities? It’s not cute and nobody respects a cheater in the long run. If you’re gonna do something dumb then don’t do nothing STUPID. Be real, you’re 35-years-old and have been in 12 failed relationships. Like, I said in the beginning, the problem is with you
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