Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let’s put it all out there. If you’re single, it’s likely for reasons and situations that are a byproduct of your environment and experiences. I, for instance, am a part-time chauvinist. I mean, I love and respect women but I’ll be damned if I’ma have to explain my maleness in every situation to some knock-off feminist.
Chances are I really do not care what you’re thinking. Not because I don’t care about you per say, but because I have a certain amount of space in my head for BS conversations. And every BS conversation we have eats away at it. So when I ignore you I’m honestly de-fragmenting my mind from your tales of coffee shop lattes and shoe shopping with your homegirls. But I digress…
Now, back to the lecture at hand. You’re single because of you. Yes, I know you were cheated on, she played you for a fool, he lied all the time… blah, blah, freakin’ blah. Let’s not act like we’re 5-years-old again. Chances are in you’re [___] years of dating, you’ve acquired some bad habits that causes the opposite sex to just say F it and roll. For your benefit I’ll list some of the more common bad habits I’ve witnessed in an effort to help you rectify the problem(s).
You can thank me later.
1) YOU’RE TOO DAMN SENSITIVE:
Fellas, I’m talking to you first on this one. Especially you puka shell-wearing, sandals and toe ring having, fake Eric Benet wanna be brothers. MAN UP. Women were made to be emotional for a reason, so stop crying. Do us and them a favor and find your balls.
Now, ladies, you have some work to do here, too. As a man I expect you to cry; what I don’t expect is a woman who pouts like a toddler. Really, you’re not going to talk to me because I don’t agree with what you’re saying? Really, like really? If you think I’m supposed to agree with you all the time then you’re a damn fool. A damn sensitive fool.
2) YOU’ DON’T KNOW YOUR ROLE & DON’T SHUT YOUR MOUTH:
A relationship is never 50/50 all the time. Sometimes it’s 60/40, and every once in a while it may be 70/30. Sometimes the odds are in your favor, most times they’re not.
Two dominant forces just do not mix well together. There’s a time to be submissive. I’m not saying you have to be a slave but shut up and go with the program every once in a while. The more you open your mouth the more likely you’re not listening to what the other person is saying.
Men, being right and arguing ’til you’re blue in the face is not gonna gain you any points. A disagreement in a relationship is not a battle royale or a king of the mountain match. The last man standing doesn’t always win.
Ladies, the flip side of this point is using anti-logic against logic. Women are naturally better at remembering past indiscretions than men are, but relating something from June 17, 2009 and something from yesterday is not fair. The past is the past and sometimes you just have to move on. Just play your role and shut up.
3) YOU’RE PLAYING TOO MANY GAMES:
You’re not as slick as you think. What’s done in the dark comes to the light. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Pick your famous saying, but basically the more game you run in a relationship the more it shows the weakness in your character.
If you truly want to be single then don’t be in a relationship. Don’t waste someone’s time because you don’t want anybody to play with your toys while you’re gone. That person’s true love of their life could be out there and they might not meet them because you want to occupy their time when you know they’re not the one for you. For what; to stroke your precious ego? STOP IT. You’re grown; act like it.
4) YOU’RE A CHEATER & CHEATERS NEVER WIN:
Look, cheating happens and while it’s a selfish act to put someone through, there are rules to the game. Mainly you don’t give the No. 2 person in your life No. 1 privileges. Do your dirt and GO HOME. Don’t spend all night over there. Like, for real, what are you doing? Having a conversation? Getting to know the person you’re cheating with? Watching TV? Don’t play in the grown folks arena if you’re gonna act like a child.
It already shows you’re untrustworthy when you cheat so why add on to your list of bad qualities? It’s not cute and nobody respects a cheater in the long run. If you’re gonna do something dumb then don’t do nothing STUPID. Be real, you’re 35-years-old and have been in 12 failed relationships. Like, I said in the beginning, the problem is with you
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